The Big Bang created the Universe, but who lit the fuse?
Welcome to The Church of the Sloth Almighty
Before quantum fluctuations. Before the cosmic inflationary period. Before time and space, there was only Sloth the Creator, who, at the moment of their choosing, unleashed a cosmic fart that ignited the fuse, setting off the Big Bang and the creation of the Universe as we know it. All hail Sloth the Igniter.
After igniting the Big Bang, the Almighty Sloth floated in time and space, recovering from their labour, watching the glorious creations born of their Holy Gas come into being. Of the blue planet they were most proud and unto it, they descended. Praise be to Sloth the Creator.
And the Divine Sloth rested on the Earth and watched with great delight at the evolving life forms. Happy to let random gene mutations be the instrument of diversity, save for one sacred species, which they created in their own image and imbued with a Sacred Spirit to be an example to all life. Blessings be to all the Sacred Sloths.
Long did the Lord Sloth Almighty watch and rejoice in life on Earth. And great was the love they felt for all their children. Save for one. Humans. Some of whom had grown so powerful that the Earth was at the mercy of their greed. The Holy One meditated on the plight of their beloved planet and decided the time had come to act. May the Lord Protector look over us.
And so The Great Sloth, the first of their name, is gathering their banners to them. Assembling an army of the faithful to embark on the most holy of quests to bring the world back to balance. Offering the good humans of the world an opportunity to join with them and bring peace, love and harmony back to the world. Blessed be the soldiers of Lord Sloth the Crusader.
But this is not an army armed with weapons, but a church of followers armed with song, to be led by Almighty's chosen one - The Immaculato Novella. So sayeth our Lord and Saviour. And the Holy Sloth, who created all we see, is calling all good people of the planet to come together and join with them on the most holy of crusades to save the planet Earth. Let us Pray to the Holy One for strength.
Join the Church of the Sloth Almighty and help bring peace and harmony to the world
Step 1 - Grow our army of the faithful
Our first mission, straight from the mouth of Our Lord to your ears, is to gather followers. We need you to join us on X (@sloththesaviour) and we need you to spread the word to friends and family that cannot find truth or spirituality in the mainstream religions. Become part of our church. We want to gather all the lost souls to our flock and together change the world.
Step 2 - Raise funds through Sloth the Coin ($HOLYSLOTH)
Our Lord and Saviour calls all you faithful to gather about you the Holy Instrument of Salvation - the Church of the Sloth Almighty Token - HOLYSLOTH. For through it, the faithful shall chart a course away from death and destruction to peace and preservation, for all children of the Earth. By joining together and buying the Sloth token, we aim to raise the collective wealth of our community of followers, which can then be used by our community to fund projects and people who need the most help. Generate wealth and then give it to those who need it. That is the Gospel according the the Holy One. Click here to buy your coins and support the Lord Sloth
Join the flock of the Almighty Sloth
Our whole objective is to do good. To help. To be Kind. And the more of us there are the more we can impact as a force for good. We want to think big and do big, buying a piece of the Amazon for posterity for example. Buying the Sloth Token is a symbol of your commitment to the Slothian way, it should not be viewed as a monetary investment but more an investment in joining together with like-minded people to try to change the world for the better by raising the collective wealth of our community of followers through purchasing the Sloth token, which can then be used by our community to fund projects and people that need the most help. Generate wealth and then give it to those that need it. That is the Slothian way.
Sloth the Almighty
The Holy Missions
To purchase a sloth sanctuary
To buy a piece of the Amazon for posterity
To establish a University for the Preservation of the Earth
To generate wealth as a collective and then distribute it all to those who need it
To support projects that elevate the human condition to include health and choice
